8.12.08

Time Machines and Iron Lungs.

One thing I've noticed in my years of dating, and observing (not in a pants around the ankles, in a bush outside her house kinda way) girls time I've noticed...it's pretty hard to really know who it is you're dating.

Now, I don't have a very close relationship with my mother, but one of the most important pieces of advice I've ever received from anyone came from her: Never date a girl you can't see yourself spending the rest of your life with.

And that most definitely applies to girls dating guys, too, I'm sure.

But a huge problem with why relationships fail, with why so many marriages fail is obvious: theres a breakdown in communication.

Things get rushed for numerous reasons. For example, America still tries to hold tight to its Puritanical roots. Everywhere you look; TV, Movies, Books, Advertisements, the Government, Churches, Parents, Friends and family all seem to be pressuring you to get married. Get married, settle down and have some kids.

It's subtle, but when you think about it...its actually pretty staggering.

Here, how many times have you heard this when you were a child from your parents, "Just wait til you have kids of your own," or, "I hope you have a child like you," and of course, "One day when your married you'll understand..."

How many Zales/Kay commercials have you seen, especially now during the Holidays til roughly February 15th. "Every kiss begins with K", "No you've got a friend in the diamond business."

Every bit of that is subtle pressure. But when you get older, you begin to feel that slightly more aggressive pinch when all your pals start growing up and settling down.

It's a proven fact that when something is rushed, the outcome will most likely not be savory, satisfactory or it might not even survive.

You give into all these pressures to alleviate the tension, and in the end it becomes a life suck. You have years of your youth sucked away, not to mention theirs.

And so much of this stems from dating someone without thinking about whom it is your crawling into bed with. But the thing is...so often it's nearly goddamned impossible to even figure out who it is sleeping next to you. You can live with someone for three years, and not know important, vital information of them.

It's because we don't know how to ask, and we don't know how to observe. Most importantly...we've lost the ability to communicate. To verbalize the internal structures of our insides. Why? So many of us have been hurt before. Everyone inevitably becomes, in some form or another, a type of 'damaged goods'. And that sucks, but life's fucked up. That just happens.

But it can cause division, when really all that person (or you) needs an adhesive.

Now granted, thats a hard concept to grasp. But it stems from responsibility, and unfortunately...most of this new generation has no fucking clue what that means. I'd like to say it isn't our fault. I'd like to place the blame on people, I'd like to place the blame on society...but the truth is, if any blame can be exchanged, if any buck can be passed then you first have to recognize that there is a problem.

And when you recognize there is a problem, you have to realize that you are continuing it. Future generations will judge us by how we dealt with the smallest of details. It's the Devil in detail will damn your soul when the final product is set.

But it's ingrained in us now to go with our knee-jerk reactions. No one wants to take responsibility for their actions. We raise a generation of kids who come from broken homes, and refuse to punish them for their transgressions.

Some of these seems so audacious that it couldn't possibly be true. Case in point, parents are suing a school because their children are sending each other nude photos.

Thats not even something I can wrap my head around.

And I truly believe it's because we succumb to the pressure, we refuse to stand up and take the responsibility...we refuse to communicate because "talky is hard. me no do so well." Fucking nations of imbeciles running wild at this point. Absolute imbeciles who think that going green is a sanctimonious action. This isn't just centralized to America, either.

I don't think teacher should be allowed to institute capital punishment. I feel thats at the parents sole discretion, and I believe the parent should have a right to discipline a child. The thing is, there isn't a fine line between discipline and abuse: Discipline is done with love to help correct an issue; abuse is when there is malice and intent to hurt a child.

But given that, teachers are the medium for parents. Teachers roles in society are wholly important, as they are expected to not only educate but instill a modicum of discipline and morality in a student.

They shouldn't be allowed to spank a child, no, but when a child acts out theres definitely a few problems: home life could not be so great, emotionally unstable, etc. However, kids do make mistakes.

But while American parents are trying to hold schools responsible for their children's need to act out in a sexual manner because thats what their swamped with all around. Look at Miley Cyrus. The little slut has been busted on NUMEROUS occasions for pushing the bounds of decency. And her "father" just allows it, because this harlot in training is bringing him money.

Why aren't Americans suing Miley Cyrus then? If we're going to be that outlandish, why aren't the guns pointed in her whorish direction? Shit, we used to burn chicks at the stake just in case they used a broom for anything other than sweeping.

But before we can necessarily scoff at America's practice, the rest of the world fails as well. Take ol' Mother Britain, for instance. A teacher sat his students down, and came up with an ingenious form of discipline for being tardy: push ups.

Push ups. Probably the healthiest thing in the world. It's something you can take with a grain of salt and humility, as well. It's kind of funny, but theres nothing malicious about this...in theory.

But British parents said, "Oi, fuck you prick! No ones going to punish my sweet lass/lad for being late, especially in a healthy and constructive manner, you bloody sod!" And they suspended the teacher.

When you suspend or sue a teacher for menial things such as these, the ingrained manipulation in these...shitty little fucking brats (Americans, British...who fucking ever) heads. They can strip the teacher of power.

They strip the parents of power they should theoretically deserve. But every time some yuppie-spawn parent sues a teacher, it exploits how little respect they deserve from their child.

And it stems back to being pressured to marry young, procreate. Do it to, and if you don't...you fucking blew it.

But as I started out with, I have a theory. Man of Science coming through.

The way you can truly know the girl you're dating, who she really is...because face it. We all date our representatives. We may never meet the true party leader until Johnny Law shows up, and your trying to convince them you walked into that beer bottle flying through the air.

Watch her with her father.

How a girl acts with her father is how she truly is at her most uninhibited. If he neglected her, and she has daddy issues...watch how hard she tries to get his attention. Or how she tries to get the attention, be it negative or outlandish, or overtly synthetic.

If thats the case, shes most likely never going to be real with you. She will constantly do whatever it is she thinks you want, and eventually...as much as a heaven that sounds like, if you're a decent human being at all...that won't fly.

I dated a girl once who's father treated her like she was a son attempting to gain favor. Think Michael to George in Arrested Development. No matter how good the idea was, he always turned down the ideas to keep Michael hungry for acceptance.

Her father did the same to her. As a result, he tended show more favoritism towards his youngest, and it killed her.

In her life outside of home, she acted more like a chameleon, and unfortunately...I never got to know the real her. Whatever sect of friends she was with, she adopted that identity. I understand people tend to blend with their friends to be a bit more cohesive, but...she adapted and adopted each, and every one of their personalities.

Theres a flip side to this coin, though.

When a girl is truly happy, and has a healthy relationship with her father, it more often than not emanates in her true personality. You can see it in her smile, how she dedicates herself to her goals, and how she will treat you.

I've been lucky to've been blessed with an amazing step-father. My biological dad, I don't even know his name. There are no pictures of him.

But my step-father is better than most fathers, period. I hope, truly, one day I can be half as decent as he is. From this, I'm learning how to treat a woman properly.

He was never pressured to marry my mother. In fact, almost the opposite. But through it, they found true love on their own terms. It took them both a few tries, but they got it right.

For 20 years they've gotten it right.

And when you marry for the right reasons, you'll know it's true. It might not be easy, but it takes dedication to make anything worthwhile. Don't fret...love will find you.

But you have to observe. You have to watch. You have to study, and you have to communicate. Pride has no place in these situations. Love isn't a pissing match, and marriage shouldn't be a cage match for dominance.

But you have to take responsibility for your actions. Some of that requires you to cut your losses when the person your with isn't the one. A child won't save that. Passing the buck won't mask a dead relationship and shitty parenting. It only exploits a lack of a will to fight for something more.

When you rush something, when you aren't patient...you end up ruining years of your life, and another persons. You end up risking to ruin a child's life completely.

Patience really is a virtue.

7 comments:

The Emperor said...

Fuck political correctness. In any of it's forms, political correctness is a dishonesty, a level of manipulating words, phrases and ideas that is misrepresentative of what you actually mean. And this goes into relationships as well. I tried the appeasement angle, and it didn't work. I've gone a different angle on it since it was a leading cause of things going awry. If it can wholly damage a relationship with a single person, imagine the destruction that PC shit can do on the infrastructure of a school, law enforcement, the military or any other body that is insane. I now require sleep and have a fat cat demanding my attention.

Lauren said...

"Discipline is done with love to help correct an issue; abuse is when there is malice and intent to hurt a child."
this is an interesting point, one i had never really thought of before, yet it's true. there is a big difference between the two, and you've definitely hit the nail on the head of what it is.

also, i can't figure out how the parents of the two teens figure they're in the right to sue. when they almost without a doubt bought the children the cell phone. while they were the ones supposed to have taught their daughter modesty, or at least that showing your hoo-hah is illegal when you're that young [and if you're doing it, might as well get paid for it. hahahah] so, i think the school board should counter-sue and basically say "our school isn't for tramp ass daughters like yours anywho. "




p.s. i absolutely love the arrested development reference

i had more to say, but words escape me.

Lauren said...

post post script:
i want to thank you for your blogs.
whenever i feel like i'm oblivious to the world around me, or whenever i start, just exsisting, and not paying attention to everything that's happening.
you bring me back to center, and back to focus.
thanks kid.

Velvet said...

I think your next entry should be titled "I am Dudley Shale."

You love me.

:-)

Velvet said...

Ok, but seriously. You raise alot of good points. I have often thought the same thing about men...how they treat their mother is often how they will treat a woman they are in a relationship with. Hmm. Dude. You...might be fucked. :-P

Velvet said...

Ok, all jokes aside, for real this time. Fuck being single. But fuck being with the wrong person even harder. Indeed.

nick said...

You need to write a lot more often man, I wish I could do it half as fucking brilliantly as you do. Keep it up.